self awareness post: how i manage negative emotions

Since yesterday, I’ve been in a rather foul mood. It’s a mix of anger and irritation and unhappiness, and while it is not yet gone completely, I have a tendency to do certain things to make myself feel better. Jotting them down here as a self reflection.

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1. Eat

I used to binge eat a lot when I feel upset. I have been controlling myself and stopping myself from reaching out for my favourite potato chips but I still eat my feelings away, and McDonald’s is the all-time mood healer for me. Shihlin and pizza are strong contenders. Food is definitely the ultimate source of comfort for me. A good breakfast does the trick for me too.

2. Go on a digital detox

I have been MIA on social media and chatrooms on my phone for the entire day, and my phone battery stays at 81% even after 12 hours. I think retreating to a hole by myself is my coping mechanism, and despite the fact that it’s a pretty timid thing to do, that I’m sort of running away from the issue, somehow it works because this time away from the noisy world out there sort of clears up my mind. It’s peaceful to distant myself from all sorts of distractions on social media to focus on my own thoughts and emotions. It gives me time to reflect on myself, on why I feel a certain way about certain things.

3. Read

Books are akin to some magical potion that transports me to another universe where I can be absorbed in something else other than my despair.

4. Exercise + waking up early

Sweating it out definitely makes me feel better about myself and about the situation. It’s the endorphins – it’s science. I usually run, but I think I’m going to the gym tomorrow morning before work. Speaking of which, waking up earlier than everyone else also gives me the tranquility that calms my mind down. There’s something about waking up before sunrise and before everyone else that is really empowering.

5. Do household chores

Folding clothes takes my mind off the world around me. When I fold my clothes, I get so engrossed in the act of folding itself that somehow I become oblivious to anything other than the clothes in my hand.

6. Cry

Releasing more endorphins. I know people who hardly cry, but I am the sort who cries at many little things. It makes me feel so much better after.

I used to be very conflict averse. Among all my friends, besides with KR, I have never fought with any of them before, not even those petty little fights. So to be honest I don’t really know how to deal with fights. But over these recent years I have come to be more assertive of my own wants and be more truthful to my feelings. And I think they are really important to one’s well-being.. Through fights I hope I grow into someone better.

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